Anxiety Deposits

 At work this week one of the front desk staff had to call our notoriously grumpy, entitled other office to ask them to schedule an emergency patient in one of their same day open slots. Everyone was nervous. Anxious that whoever at the other office answered the phone would react badly. 

It ended up going smoothly, but I noticed that it is unlikely the emotional memory of the 15 minutes or so, when we didn't know the outcome, will be erased: in the future, our hearts will have added those minutes to a pattern of distrust and distress to inform ongoing interactions. Even though once we found out the outcome, all our worries had been refuted. 

It made me think about anxiety and worry, and how hard it is to take back the deposit we put on the side of feeling like things are going badly. How it cycles. Next time we will probably be more likely to be nervous, because we (unjustly, if reasonably) chose nerves this time. The effect could be such that no amount of different-than-feared outcomes may correct the early bad experiences. Unless we can do something with our hearts to reset. To notice and feel the good. 

So I want to learn to reset. To help others reset. And to be careful not to invest in worry to begin with: to actively choose optimism and benefit of the doubt - or at the very least, choose to see it as an opportunity for me to minister grace and patience, and to see God work in human brokenness.

To God be all glory.