Wednesday, December 03, 2008

All I Want

Our church sang a song yesterday: “You’re all I want…” One line of the chorus. And I wrestled. All I need? Of course. Enough. He says so, and I believe. But He is not all I want. He is more precious than anything I want, and I would trade all I have and want for my Jesus. I won’t do life without Him.

Should He be all I want? I can’t sing it if it isn’t true. But worship, this sacrifice of praise, doesn’t mean anything if I’m not challenged by it. Maybe God delights to give me what I want – not always, but the good gifts. Fathers know how to give hungry sons bread. So my Heavenly Father knows how to give me great gifts, those that I ask for and those that I don’t.

I think of the gifts. I breathe them, see them, hear them. GK Chesterton wrote, ““Here dies another day, During which I have had eyes, ears, hands, And the great world around me;; And with tomorrow begins another. Why am I allowed two?”

My heart leans back to rejoice again.

This year I made my Christmas cards, and they say Joy! Glorious joy. Blessing is joy. Grace is joy. Suffering even is joy. And Jesus was all of that. Those things are all in the Christmas story. Everywhere I go there is Christmas. I’m way beyond ready for it. And everywhere I look for joy. If I had my own tree, I would fill it with joy. The word. Other words for joy; I have a list.

There is more joy in me this year, irrepressible joy, than I’ve ever felt. Nothing is new in my life: same family, same house, same job, same car, same church, same ministries, same face in the mirror, same singleness. I even have the same God. He’s just showing me His joy.

Our family drew names for Christmas. I still don’t have a wish list published. Usually my list is very long, because I admire beauty and truth wherever I find it, and wish to possess it – and I want to be surprised by gifts, not certain of receiving any seven of the eight items I request. But surprise is just it. I see beauty and truth all over the place, and possess in sharing the experience more than I ever could by stashing it on my shelf. I want to receive gifts of presence.

You’re all I want? For Christmas, you’s are all I want. People. Relationship. Love and the chance to give.

To God be all glory.

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