Friday, May 09, 2008

I Would See Jesus

Tonight I finished watching Joan of Arcadia, Season 1 on DVD. I could watch the episodes all night. The end of Season 1 has a scene where Joan is convinced god, whom she has been seeing all season long, from whom she has been drawing comfort and instruction, is not real. God comes in and stands by her hospital bed. I sat there watching, desperately wanting him to say something, give her all the answers, reassure her, give her proof. Or he could just hold her hand so she knew he was there. In the very least he could stay. He doesn't. He walks out.

That's really hard to watch. It's hard to even think about God leaving a room. And what about the people who don't believe in Him? Isn't the walking away symbolic?

Apostles had to watch Jesus leave. He promised to send them the Comforter, but I imagine they had pretty big needs for comfort by the time the Holy Spirit came. No wonder they were so fervent in prayer after Jesus' ascension. If it were me I wouldn't want to do anything else.

I need God. And I miss Him, the physical face to face Him.

In Joan of Arcadia the doctor god is one of my favorite images. He looks at people, speaks patiently and gently. He takes care of people, and gives answers that, while not directly satisfying, are still comforting. God takes care of me, and I know he loves me. I'm an intellectual person, and I know it sounds cliche to say those things. I don't like saying them because some people would demand evidence and proof and ask how I know. Tonight it's just a praise, a thanks, and a testimony.

We don't need all the answers. We need Jesus Himself. I need Him.

To God be all glory.

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