How to Take a Pill

In case there are any others who have experienced the trauma of not being able to swallow a pill, I offer this testimony.

Upon reflection, I think I probably "learned" to swallow pills when I was a sophomore or junior. The doctor gave me an antibiotic and didn't even ask if I could swallow them! But there they were, and I had to get them down. My whole life no one had ever taught me what you do to get a pill down your throat without chewing or choking; they'd just laughed that I couldn't (same with whistling). Finally I discovered the "secret," though I'm still bad at large pills or ones that are not slick on the outside.

What I do, and you can try this or not, depending on the reputation (of not being able to swallow pills) you want to maintain, is drink a swallow of water. Then, with the pill ready in your hand or nearby, put another mouthful of water into your mouth (drink from a full size cup, not a bottle or straw or drinking fountain). Before you swallow that , put the pill in and imagine it floating like a boat. Put the cup to your lips and drink another full swallow, not even remembering the pill. Once it is down your throat, add another swallow or two to make sure the pill makes it to your stomach. Never take several pills at once. If you gag, try to be calm and repress the gag, and send more water for backup.

Start small, with little Tylenol, Ibuprofen, or Sudafed (the pill is very small and red). Don't chew. If the pill happens not to make it the first time, dump more water, make sure the pill is positioned near the back of your tongue, and swallow. Work quickly. Linings of pills will dissolve in your mouth if you leave them too long, releasing a horrible taste.

So that's what I learned. My family still makes fun of me because I use a whole cup (ten ounces?) of water to take a dose of medicine, and I choke when I try to take a pill an inch or longer (or it seems like it, anyway). But I have mastered the basic pill.

To God be all glory.